<--BACK How I came to choose my path: Manifestation of the Spirit: Ah, so long ago. First things first. I was an eighteen year old married girl with a baby and very unhappy. My marriage was on the verge of collapse and I had a strange, incomprehensive dream. An eagle appeared at the top of my refrigerator. It did not talk to me, but somehow transmitted the information that I belonged to it and it was the ruler of my life. I was a headstrong girl and did not appreciate hearing that I was ruled by another. I didn't understand the dream, but I knew it was important. Years later, in my thirties I came upon Carlos Castenada's The Teachings of Don Juan. The dream seemed to be related to this brujo's teachings. Again, I went back into the fog, but not completely. I wrote my dreams religiously and bought all of CC's books as they came out. Still not connecting to it. Fascinating account, is how I categorized it. The Knock of the Spirit: Then, again at another turning point in my life (my daughter going off to college) I had another dream. This time a sorcerer appeared and it seemed he had been taking notes on my life. I was flattered that he saw my inconsequential life as worthy of note. This man had tremendous power and it was very frightening to me. He was able to transcend time, space, even corporeality. First thing I knew I was laying in bed naked and he was on top of me. He stroked all of my body, but not in a sexual manner. A big black panther lay on the floor next to us and slid its tail between my legs. The old man sat up on top of me and pointed to a piano, I have not been able to play in a long time, he told me. I reached up and stroked his steel gray hair. This dream occurred about an hour after I fell asleep and it woke me. So frightened, I was beside myself, running through the rooms putting all the lights on, convinced he was nearby. I was finally able to allay my fears somewhat by getting in a warm bath. It led me to ask some serious questions about the "music" I was producing in life. The Descent of the Spirit: At another time on the way to a vision quest, I stopped to camp at an abandoned logging site and had a most eerie feeling that the sorcerer was nearby. I had been thinking about the problem of chatter in one's head and how it protects us from coming face to face with the unknown. Shortly after bedtime, I was awakened by the heavy rain collapsing the tent on me. I had had a dream in which I was asked to produce a picture of myself for my driver's license, but I couldn't seem to find any photo of myself without another person in the picture. In the morning, I awoke to find my car had a flat tire and the battery was dead (a new car). I had come to the end of the road. Since then I marshall my small bundle of energy and try to follow the sorcerer's path to freedom. I have also dreamt of my hands as red, ugly and mishapen (another frightening dream) and have learned of the things that block me from achieving my goals, and of the enormity of the task before me.